Do I Deserve This?
I've recently had an experience I can't truly put into words. Have you ever had something go off inside of you, an explosion of emotion and release?
Two weeks ago, there was been a transformation in how I see myself and others. For so long, I've wrestled with issues in my life between me a God; Issues related to some of the promises His Word so blatantly encourages... prosperity, blessings, favor. It's like I go only so far with good things, then WHAM!!! Things hit the crapper.
I realized the problem was me. My thinking. My perception of the man God made me to be.
Because of poor choices, actions and experiences, I had difficulty seeing myself of deserving anything of substantial value. A healthy relationship, good job, money in the bank or abiding peace seemed to elude me. It hasn't been until now that I've discovered why.
In all reality, it's simple. God loves me, no matter what.
Problem was, I wasn't all that thrilled with me.
We were in prayer the other day and one of the ladies I work with stopped and looked at me. She said "Angus, why don't you feel like you deserve the best that God has to offer?" Now this woman is a beautifully spirited woman I love and admire. She's been around the ministry for probably more years than I am old. I got defensive. "What do you mean? I think God wants to give me His best!"
She responded, "No, of course God WANTS to give you His best. Why won't you let Him? Why don't you believe you deserve His best?"
I burst into tears. Snotted and slobered all over myself... she was right.
Deep within my heart, I knew she was right. I was stopping God in my life.
We, as humans, love to suffer. For some reason, we want to be punished for what we've done or not done. Yet, God NEVER sees us that way. Goofy preachers and stinky doctrine lead people to believe that God is angry and commited to our punishment. That's simply junk theology.
Think about it... If a parent is always wrathful to a child, does that child ever seek a healthy desire to do or be right? Emphatically, NO!!! Only through love can a child find value, dignity and worth to a degree to desire the right quality of life and pursuits.
Here I was, beating myself up - time and time again. That thinking sabotaged so many opportunities and relationships for me. Every time things started going "right", I'd start behaving irrationally or thinking goofy and mess it all up. Simply because my psychology wanted to punish my very own existence.
I am free!!! I have never felt so free!!!
Two weeks ago, there was been a transformation in how I see myself and others. For so long, I've wrestled with issues in my life between me a God; Issues related to some of the promises His Word so blatantly encourages... prosperity, blessings, favor. It's like I go only so far with good things, then WHAM!!! Things hit the crapper.
I realized the problem was me. My thinking. My perception of the man God made me to be.
Because of poor choices, actions and experiences, I had difficulty seeing myself of deserving anything of substantial value. A healthy relationship, good job, money in the bank or abiding peace seemed to elude me. It hasn't been until now that I've discovered why.
In all reality, it's simple. God loves me, no matter what.
Problem was, I wasn't all that thrilled with me.
We were in prayer the other day and one of the ladies I work with stopped and looked at me. She said "Angus, why don't you feel like you deserve the best that God has to offer?" Now this woman is a beautifully spirited woman I love and admire. She's been around the ministry for probably more years than I am old. I got defensive. "What do you mean? I think God wants to give me His best!"
She responded, "No, of course God WANTS to give you His best. Why won't you let Him? Why don't you believe you deserve His best?"
I burst into tears. Snotted and slobered all over myself... she was right.
Deep within my heart, I knew she was right. I was stopping God in my life.
We, as humans, love to suffer. For some reason, we want to be punished for what we've done or not done. Yet, God NEVER sees us that way. Goofy preachers and stinky doctrine lead people to believe that God is angry and commited to our punishment. That's simply junk theology.
Think about it... If a parent is always wrathful to a child, does that child ever seek a healthy desire to do or be right? Emphatically, NO!!! Only through love can a child find value, dignity and worth to a degree to desire the right quality of life and pursuits.
Here I was, beating myself up - time and time again. That thinking sabotaged so many opportunities and relationships for me. Every time things started going "right", I'd start behaving irrationally or thinking goofy and mess it all up. Simply because my psychology wanted to punish my very own existence.
I am free!!! I have never felt so free!!!
