From dumb to DMB
I'm in a school right now that has challenged my heart in undescribable ways. I'm alive all over again. Refreshed, enthusiastic and annoyingly spastic nearly all the time. Yet, it was only two years ago that I felt as if I was going to die. After chaos enveloped every facet of my being, I came to the revelation that my problems were all as a result of me.
It takes courage to admit faults to our ourselves - to face our own disapointments, false expectations and failures. The real paradox is that when I admit weakness, I find strength. It's an opportunity to learn, grow and take responsibility.
This revelation came to me in the parking "field" after a Dave Matthews Band (DMB) concert. There was a young man standing before me talking about this book someone had given him called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge. He listened as I recounted my own experience of reading the very same book. I told him that I finally realized how dumb I had been. My life was the sum total of my own selfish exchange and interactions in the world. That book inspired me to face my stuff.
The young man was all teared up because he couldn't bring himself to read it. He would start, get confronted, and cowardly put it down. I challenged him to step up and "be the man"... Here, in a crowded field of people with a total stranger, this kid was hugging and snotting himself all over me. An accepted challenge to be a stronger man.
I remember sitting across the table from someone only days later. I shared this same story about this DMB concert with her. As I retold this account, her eyes filled up with tears. Unfortunately, she couldn't make the conection herself. It's been over two years now and she's still battling the same unforgiveness, bitterness and hatred. The fact is, so many of us could improve our lives so dramatically if we just changed our perspective.
::: ::: ::: ::: ::: Only through transparency can a man really see truth. ::: ::: ::: ::: :::
During my darkest days of being an absolute turd (I'll admit it), I spent alot of time considering myself the "victim". Selfishly projecting a denial to myself, I made excuses for poor choices, behaviors and actions. But when all was washed away, there was me... No one else left to blame. For some, that may be considered "rock bottom", but I prefer to call it "the final revelation before freedom".
When I died to self, I found true life. The death was excrutiatingly painful, sometimes violent. I spent nights pacing the living room floor, tears stained my eggplant sectional couch. Sometimes I screamed. Others times, I sat in darkness, rehearsing what I'd do if I had the chance again. I began to see myself differently. I saw my life as a gift. A gift to give.
I was in love. In love with an incredible creator and in love with this beautiful creation. No more self-hate. No more self-loathing. No more feeling failure.
Did it happen over night? No way. But I learned to be patient with myself in the process. A process that continues til' this day. There are good days, there are bad days. But there's a discovery of a world around me - a world full of people needing what I have to offer. It's about others.
Yet a man die, yet shall he live.
Life breeds life.
It takes courage to admit faults to our ourselves - to face our own disapointments, false expectations and failures. The real paradox is that when I admit weakness, I find strength. It's an opportunity to learn, grow and take responsibility.
This revelation came to me in the parking "field" after a Dave Matthews Band (DMB) concert. There was a young man standing before me talking about this book someone had given him called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge. He listened as I recounted my own experience of reading the very same book. I told him that I finally realized how dumb I had been. My life was the sum total of my own selfish exchange and interactions in the world. That book inspired me to face my stuff.
The young man was all teared up because he couldn't bring himself to read it. He would start, get confronted, and cowardly put it down. I challenged him to step up and "be the man"... Here, in a crowded field of people with a total stranger, this kid was hugging and snotting himself all over me. An accepted challenge to be a stronger man.
I remember sitting across the table from someone only days later. I shared this same story about this DMB concert with her. As I retold this account, her eyes filled up with tears. Unfortunately, she couldn't make the conection herself. It's been over two years now and she's still battling the same unforgiveness, bitterness and hatred. The fact is, so many of us could improve our lives so dramatically if we just changed our perspective.
::: ::: ::: ::: ::: Only through transparency can a man really see truth. ::: ::: ::: ::: :::
During my darkest days of being an absolute turd (I'll admit it), I spent alot of time considering myself the "victim". Selfishly projecting a denial to myself, I made excuses for poor choices, behaviors and actions. But when all was washed away, there was me... No one else left to blame. For some, that may be considered "rock bottom", but I prefer to call it "the final revelation before freedom".
When I died to self, I found true life. The death was excrutiatingly painful, sometimes violent. I spent nights pacing the living room floor, tears stained my eggplant sectional couch. Sometimes I screamed. Others times, I sat in darkness, rehearsing what I'd do if I had the chance again. I began to see myself differently. I saw my life as a gift. A gift to give.
I was in love. In love with an incredible creator and in love with this beautiful creation. No more self-hate. No more self-loathing. No more feeling failure.
Did it happen over night? No way. But I learned to be patient with myself in the process. A process that continues til' this day. There are good days, there are bad days. But there's a discovery of a world around me - a world full of people needing what I have to offer. It's about others.
Yet a man die, yet shall he live.
Life breeds life.
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