The Journey of Gus and Sam

First you SEE than you BE

2007-03-01T07:26:00.000-06:00

It's amazing the power of thoughts we possess...

Over the past week, I've observed several individuals talk about themselves in such debilitating concepts. Saying words like, "this is just how I am", "I've been like this as long as I can remember" or "I can never change".

Inside of every one of us is creative power to be whoever and whatever we desire. Yet, people use that equation in a destructive sense far more often than a constructive one time and time again.

Why is it that individuals would rather dwell, discuss and celebrate their failures, mistakes and limitations FAR easier than thier POSSIBILIITIES???

It seems to me that many people are self destructive in nature. They would rather suffer in inadequacy, complacency or "less-than? People beat themselves up in their own throught process instead of build themselves up.

What if, instead of all of the self-limiting imaginations we picture in our minds, we focused on all of the powerful, loving and generous qualities we WANT to share? What if we pictured in our mind's eye the very person we wished to be?

Can I see myself in quality relationships, enjoying my occupation or healthy lifestyle choices?

The more you do that, SEEING who you are and allowing the emotions that brings to flood your being, the easier it is to walk that out, to BE.

Life is meant to be easy, enjoyable and abundant. If that's not your experience, the only person that can change that is you.

There's SNOW!!!

2007-02-19T22:06:00.000-06:00

So, I get up to go to work and what doth my eyes behold but SNOW!!! I was so happy to see the stuff. Yet, the radio reports were full of cancellations and warnings. With what? A half inch of snow???

I was booking down the freeway without a care in the world until... I got to the overpasses downtown. I felt my truck fish-tail as I immediately slowed down to fifteen miles an hour. There was ice everywhere! One truck was spun out completely blocking an entrance ramp, trapped between concrete barriers.

No salt trucks anywhere... how we take that for granted in Wisconsin.

Today, it was 59 degrees.

V-day...just another day

2007-02-11T22:16:00.000-06:00

Valentine's Day is around the corner, and how could we miss it with all the jewelry commercials on TV? Don't forget the tiny teddy bears and single roses invading our grocery stores' shelves?
The pressure to "buy" and "do" something special can be overwhelming.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against love or romantic gestures of love...on the contrary, I'm pro-love.
But I have to say, "Bah humbug to the commmercialization of love!"

Websters defines Valentine's day as this:

Valentine's day: a holiday for people who don't love one another the other 364 days of the year; arbitrarily chosen date of 14 February selected by department stores to boost sales after slump of Christmas holidays.

If you don't believe me, look it up yourself.

New Opening

2007-01-26T09:12:00.000-06:00

So I've been helping Cynthia Hart prepare to open her new restaurant... We're less than a week away. Here's some pics:

Time: fast, quick like cat

2007-01-11T01:07:00.000-06:00

As people get older, you always hear them say: "time goes so fast!" or "where has time gone?"

I never really understood this phenomenon, until recently, which I guess, automatically makes me old.

Maybe it's all in our heads. Or maybe we work too hard and play too little. Maybe we're just tolerating life, which makes us skim through each day with a depleted sense of awareness. Either way, somewhere between the playground and cubicles, between seemingly endless summer vacations (remember when 3 months was like an eternity) and daily planners, we experience an abnormal sense of time acceleration, often losing track of our actual age..."how old am I this year? Let me subtract..."

This picture was taken almost one year ago. To me, it seems like yesterday. Can we slow time down? Is there a way to keep it from moving so fast?

I think so.

What happened to you the night before Christmas, as you laid in bed waiting for the brightness of the morning light like a green flag waving you towards the unwrapping of your presents?

You tossed and turned. You couldn't fall asleep. Your eagerness made each second seem like an eternity. Your anticipation of tomorrow made time slow to a slug's pace.

Try it. Maybe the tricks of our youth will combat the mentality of our aged minds. Anticipate tomorrow with all of its possibilites as you lie in bed tonight. At the very least, maybe it'll feel like you slept longer, and the time between hitting the snooze and the buzzing alarm will seem like an eternity...

Christmas with the Bernadel Clan

2007-01-05T07:03:00.000-06:00

So this was my first encounter with Samantha's dad's side of the family. Despite her warnings, nothing could have prepared me for the most enjoyable ensuing chaos.

First off, let me state that during our trip to Wisconsin over Thanksgiving, I thought Samantha might have some adventures dealing with our crazy family nuances. I now understand that her experience was merely a fraction of comforts to family affair for her...

Fortunately, Sam's brother-in-law, Timm, was there to help me process the event.

I must say, I was more than warmly greeted by the family as a whole. Lots of hugs, kisses and smiles. So many faces, so many names, it was hard to keep track...

Uncle Felix is such a kind and generous man, he hosted the entire Christmas extravaganza. His kitchen became our "Grand Central" as most of the activity was over food and drink. If we weren't cooking and eating, Matt and Ray were mixing drinks. If that neither was occuring, people were laughing, telling stories and fondly remembering others.

Seriously, for the average person, there's what is called "the seven minute rule". This states that conversations usually "lull" every seven minutes... you know, that time when an awkward silence falls upon all until someone brilliantly introduces the next topic of discussion. That NEVER seemed to happen with this bunch.

Now I can hold my own in any social situation, yet I was mystified and thoroughly entertained by this new found family. Most of the time, I sat with a smile on my face relishing in the maniacal, frantic exchanges.

Christmas Eve, we headed to midnight Mass. I was surprised at how many other people went to church that late in the night. Afterwards, the social interaction went into high gear, music cranked and dancing. We were up until 3:30am.

Christmas morning, I could hear laughter down the stairs. It was only 8:15am... I was so tired, but who wants to miss out on that??? So I dragged myself out of bed to get in on the action.

Breakfast needed to be made and Matt, our host with the most, was still unconscious. So I grabbed some tools and whipped up some gourmet eggs and bacon. We ate, talked and laughed our way unto 4 o'clock. Then it was time to start showering and primping for the Christmas celebration.

Everyone was decked out in formal affair as even more people poured through the door to join us. We gathered in the basement amongst long tables, traditional Haitian food and Christmas decor galore. It was a celebration!!!

Afterwards, we all went upstairs to the living room where we met Santa. Uncle Felix came in with his red suit and hat, it was tradition, it was family. As "Santa" called out names, one by one, each present made its way from under the tree to someone's hands... some of the presents only wrapped for a few minutes prior to being received. ; )

When the presents were all done, the socializing continued until 3:30am once again.

At 8am, the same deliberation... I had to get in on the fun. To my surprise, Samantha was already down there. These folks are crazy fun!!!

It was sad to say goodbye to all of these new faces, but we'll get to see them again. Next year!?!?!?

When we got to the airport, our flight had been cancelled. So, courtesy of Delta, we had a vacation from our vacation and spent the night at JFK for a full night's sleep before heading home.

It truly was a memorable and more than enjoyable Christmas. A huge "thank you" to my new family, especially Uncle Felix and Auntie Marva!!!

Angus and Samantha Are ENGAGED!!!

2007-01-01T22:27:00.000-06:00

This past week, Sam and I went to New York City to spend the holiday with her dad's side of the family. We arrived on Saturday, Dec. 23rd and headed immediately down to Times Square. Samantha's sister had seats for us to join them at the musical, Beauty & the Beast - with Donny Osmand as Gaston!!!

It was an amazing show...

We got something to eat at Ollie's Chinese restaurant and then headed over to Rockefeller Center. We waited for an hour and a half to actually skate on the rink which was easy given the 54 degree evening. The Christmas tree was all lit up, thousands of people bustled aroung the rink and lights all around ignited the sky with wonder and allure.

It was a magical night.

Once we were on the rink, I finally got an opportunity to pick up on a conversation that Samantha and I had been having for the past couple of weeks. As we talked, I positioned us into the middle of the ice rink to make my move.

As we talked, I got down on one knee and asked Samantha Delgadillo to marry me.

At first, she was taken back, eyes welling up with tears. That is until everyone around us stopped skating and the entire crowd around us broke into applause and cheers. Suddenly, her heart pounded, mind ran away and Samantha fought to stay focused.

I quietly said, this is the part where you take off your glove. The glove came off, I slipped on the ring, Samantha bent down and emphatically whispered in my ear, "YES!"

At that moment, I was unaware of all around us. I was caught up in the two of us, together.

We kissed, skated in a circle for a bit and then the first words from Samantha's mouth, "Alright, who was in on this? Did my dad know? Tim? Sandra? etc." ; )

Absolutely a surreal moment in time for all of us... More to come later!

Christmas Letter 2006

2006-12-19T10:22:00.000-06:00

IT’S CHRISTMAS ALREADY!?!?!?!

The year has truly been one to remember. Let me trek you through the journeys of the past 365 days:

I graduated from Impact International School of Ministry (http://www.impactministries.com) - after having read five of Dr. Jim Richards’ books, I put my house on the market and headed to Huntsville, AL last year. The school taught me incredible material and powerful tools for quality relationships, effective communication and empowerment counseling.

While in school, I met a young lady, Samantha, who introduced me to a new sport, Ultimate Fighting. At first, I thought the sport was brutal and “how can a girl watch this?” I did some research to find out the many strategies, skills and abilities the athletes disciplined. Soon, I was hooked. A number of us would gather at Samantha’s house every week to watch different competitions and of course, the Pay-Per-View match ups.

In addition, Samantha and I were spending time together as a part of the college and career ministry. So neither of us really knows when we started “dating”. We were just really good friends. Most of the time, all we do is laugh - I like that. I can always be myself around her and Samantha the same. She’s brilliant, charming, sweet and kind. A relationship has developed and I’m smitten. I’ll keep you posted…

After school in May, I headed down to Mexico for a week to minister up in the mountains with another Sam, Sam Sims. He and I were able to share a simple message of God’s love to the mountain villagers south of Saltillo, Mexico. We didn’t just talk about it, we hugged, served and counseled, demonstrating our love through action. Many lives were touched and changed, including our own.

Over the summer, Samantha, her daughter Sydney, Sam and Gabby Sims and I all headed down to Horn Island off the coast of Biloxi, Mississippi. We experienced real wilderness camping for three days with no running water, toilets or civilization. It was such a cool adventure! We fished, hiked, swam, saw dolphins and learned of the devastation of hurricane Katrina. Note: never run out of bug spray/lotion on a coastal island.

Our summer concerts this year included Boyz to Men, John Mayer and Sheryl Crow. We took a trip to the Nashville Zoo, went to a Joyce Meyer conference (with Hillsongs United!!!) and enjoyed many a peaceful stroll around the lake at my apartment.

I also played alot of disk golf, regular golf and barbequed!!!

In September, I visited my insurance agent and we were talking about some of my future interests and life visions. The young lady said, “You need to meet Bruce from Renown” (http://www.renownhuntsville.com). A week later, I get a call from this guy. He’s starting a young adult ministry to reach those disenfranchised by Christian’s or those not interested in church, a spiritual venue for faith and culture.

After hearing about my background and passions, we became fast friends; I was brought onto the leadership staff and will become the Communications Director in April. This dream opportunity is incredible! It’s very similar to RockWater, only multiple churches, businesses and individuals fund the mission already… I’m ecstatic!!!

In the meantime, I’ve been assisting Cynthia Hart to develop, brand and open her new gourmet restaurant/bakery, Shea’s Express. I’ve been doing her marketing, PR, design, catering and assembling the employee training materials. To me, it’s like working to make her dream come to pass while I await mine. http://www.cynsheas.com

I also got to hone in on my acting skills some more. Up until this point, all I had really done was some sketches for our church. When this opportunity came up, it was simply bumping into the director and he asked me if I could act. So I played a super uptight Mormon, one of the scene stealing comedy routines of the production – good fit. The play, “The Church” is about discovering the power to be Christ to others in a very relevant, even urban sort of way… I was one of a few white guys in the play.

And, if that wasn’t enough, I’ve just returned from Indianapolis to be certified as a Motivational Speaker for Monster.com!!! Monster has a subsidiary company called “Make It Count” (http://www.makeitcount.com), designed to empower students in making defining choices towards their college and career goals. I’ll be doing two programs throughout High Schools across the country.

This is a unique opportunity towards my eventual goal to speak in schools and corporations on my own. I’ve learned a ton from the intense training and the exposure is priceless.

I whole-heartedly believe that this year has been a year of EFFORTLESSNESS.

In eastern philosophy, a principle in Tao is “letting go”. Lao Tsu said “to become profound we need to let go of our efforts to be perfect, rich, secure or admired; because such efforts actually limit us. He likened letting go to dying, you give up selfishness and become one with the ten thousand things (everything else). My deeper self already knows that I am at one with everything else. If I don’t resist what is happening I will be at peace and have energy to spare. I benefit me and I benefit you.”

Jesus said, “Unless a man die, yet shall he live.”

The most outstanding lesson I’ve learned this year has been in understanding this essence of an “effortless life”. I call it an “organic process”. Everything in creation itself is capable of growing, developing and reproducing short any great strain or striving. It all comes about effortlessly.

Understanding that God did all that He’s ever going to do, who am I to try and hold the reigns? Who am I to try to “become” anything? Why do I wrestle, strive and fight to accomplish, get noticed or find acclaim?

Like a monkey trap, many of us are guilty of putting our hands into a jar just big enough to squeeze our hands through. We reach, grasping something we believe we need. Only, now we can’t get our hands out of the jar. We stand trapped, relentlessly confined by the greed of our pride, ego or lust.

Yet, if we will only let go, we can be free.

Instead of trying to “become”, we can just “be”. Be all that we already are: peace, love, joy, righteous, kindness, victorious, etc. We already are what God says we are. We can’t lose sight of that?

We are not our past, our mistakes or our shortcomings.

This past year has been a time of letting go of all that I thought was so important. No longer having to prove anything. No longer having to accomplish something. I’ve begun to unlock the power of an unforced, unrehearsed and unplanned life. Yet, the paradox is that I live intentionally, directed and passionate.

My scripture of the year has been Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message) "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Can I invite you to join me on this journey?

Letting go of that which you’re holding on to; your past, your agenda, your plans and your sense of the “right way to do things”. Trust and allow the gift within you to attract that which you need, dream and require.

Forgive, forget and forge ahead towards that which you were destined.

Let old things pass away, let all things become new.

This New Year, I hope you find that which inspires, as selflessness requires. Find opportunities to lay your life down for others; relationships, businesses, families and marriages.

Start fresh. Start new. Yesterday is gone and today is your tomorrow.

May you find the power of effortless living, organic process and a life of exceeding abundance,

With all the love in my heart,

Angus Nelson
1201 Grande View Blvd. #2511
Huntsville, AL 35824
256.541.0210

To all of our friends, though these are but few, Merry Christmas.

John Mayer, Sheryl Crow & the Zoo

2006-10-15T10:52:00.000-05:00

Last weekend we had an incredibly full day. It was off to Nashville for a fun-filled day for all.

It started with the Nashville Zoo. We saw warthogs, giraffe, monkeys, elephants, spiders, snakes, a sloth, birds and many, many other members of God's creatures. My favorite were probably the meerkats - very clever little buggers.

Samantha and Sydney weren't too excited about the bird sanctuary... this was a place you could actually feed and touch some specific birds. The caretaker told me that some of the birds actually enjoy freaking people out. Samantha was no exception as one prodeeded to fly right on top of her head and started to gnaw on her sunglasses. Just when she had gotten confident enough to feed them and began feeling comfortable, this fella had to get her squeeling and nervously giggling. Poor Samantha became great entertainment to many. ; )

Of Course my camera was not far away to capture the scene.

Later that day, we headed off to the John Mayer and Sheryl Crow concert. We had decent seats near the front of the grassy hill and remebered to bring extra blankets for the chilly evening. Mayer was amazing, as usual, belting out some fantastic blues numbers.

Sheryl Crow was not what I had expect though... I really didn't care to see her. But that changed when she put on a really classy show, plucked away on the bass guitar and then brought out hearthrob KEITH URBAN - the ladies went wild!!!!

They sang the duet made famous by Tom Petty & Stevie Nix, "Stop Dragging My Heart Around"... It was a very amazing.

I love live music... I don't know what it is, but I love it.

James Ray on Forgiveness

2006-10-12T10:25:00.000-05:00

So I'm really interested in getting into the whole "motivational speaking" gig... so I've been scouring the internet learning what others are doing. I found this guy, James Ray, from the DVD "The Secret". He's a new-ager/mystic from a theological perspective yet some of his stuff is really incredible. This is a thought on forgivenesss.

James Ray:

"I just got back from Quantum Leap (one of my 3-day programs) in Las Vegas, and at the event, I was asked about the tragic shooting at the Amish schoolhouse last week. I'm glad it was asked because I saw a very important principle put into action by the Amish community...

The next day after the shooting, the Amish community of Lancaster County told the killer's family that they forgave him for what he'd done.

That's right. They forgave him...

You may be thinking "But James, how could they?" Well, here's the deal... You don't forgive for the other person. You forgive for yourself. Now I'll ask you, "How could they not forgive him?"

They forgave him... Have you?

You see, lack of forgiveness is an incredibly toxic vibration that harms you, and not the person you neglect to forgive. No one has ever died from a snake bite. When a snake bites, it stings. Death only comes from neglecting to remove the venom that courses through your veins.

Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Snake bites and challenges are a part of life, and to think otherwise is illusion. Don't wish for a problem-free, easier life... that's illusion. Instead, wish for greater capability and greater capacity to ease elegantly through life's challenges.

In challenging situations, we must ask, "How does this serve me?" and "What can I learn?" There is always a lesson to be learned, and in every challenging situation, there's an opportunity for goodness.

I travel all over the world, and people think they want an easier life... but they really don't. There's a law in our universe that states, "If you're not growing, you're dying." Life's challenges are how we grow. Like I mentioned before:

Wish for greater capability and greater capacity to ease elegantly through life's challenges.

Your self-worth, image and confidence depend upon your ability to easy elegantly through the challenges that life throws our way.

With that, I'd like to leave you with a quote from the venerable Martin Luther King, Jr. Although it was written referring to another period in our history, truth is timeless.

"[Violence] is impractical because it is a descending spiral ending in destruction for all. The old law of 'an eye for an eye' leaves everybody blind. It is immoral because it seeks to humiliate the opponent rather than win his understanding; it seeks to annihilate rather than to convert. Violence is immoral because it thrives on hatred rather than love. It destroys a community and makes brotherhood impossible. It leaves society in monologue rather than dialogue. Violence ends by defeating itself. It creates bitterness in the survivors and brutality in the destroyers."

James Arthur Ray
President/CEO
James Ray International

Byars' Going Away Party

2006-09-26T13:14:00.000-05:00

Clint and Sara will be surely missed.

After the success of his book, "Devil Walk", and it's production as a feature film, they're off to Atlanta. Clint will continue to write more films and books for the next year as he prepares to start a church next year. All of which he did very little to bring about... once again, effortless. God's amazing!

I'll miss playing disc golf, seedy sarcasm, their beautiful children (courtesy of Sara, of course) and the input they had on my life.

Thanks Clint and Sara for everything.

Check out his site at: http://www.clintbyars.com

Perfectionists Unite!!!

2006-09-21T14:02:00.000-05:00

We're playing golf and Clint chip's onto the green and into the cup... a perfect shot. This got me thinking about perfection, I found this list while researching some presentation material. If you've struggled with trying to be "perfect", consider the following:

Coping Strategies

Overcoming perfectionism requires courage, for it means accepting our imperfections and humanness. Here are several strategies that will help replace perfectionistic habits with healthier, more satisfying behavior patterns.

1. Make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of trying to be perfect.

When you make your own list of costs and benefits, you may find that the costs are too great. You may discover that problems with relationships, excessive workaholism, eating and substance abuse problems, and other compulsive behaviors (plus the accompanying anxiety, nervousness, feelings of inadequacy, self-criticism, and so on) actually outweigh whatever advantages perfectionism holds for you.

2. Increase your awareness of the self-critical nature of your all-or-nothing thoughts, and how they extend to other people in your life.

Learn to substitute more realistic, reasonable thoughts for your habitually critical ones. When you find yourself berating a less-than-perfect performance, whether your own or someone else's, force yourself to look at and acknowledge the good parts of that performance. Then ask yourself questions like these: Is it really as bad as I feel it is? How do other people see it? Is it a reasonably good performance for the person(s) and circumstances involved?

3. Be realistic about what you can do.

By setting more realistic goals, you will gradually realize that "imperfect" results do not lead to the punitive consequences you expect and fear. Suppose you swim laps every day, not as athletic training, but for relaxation and exercise. You set yourself the goal of 20 laps, and you can barely swim 15. If you are perfectionistic, you soon feel disappointed at your poor performance and anxious about improving it. You may even give up swimming because you're not "good enough."

Suppose that instead you tell yourself 15 laps is good enough for now. You accept the possibility that you may never be able to swim 20 laps easily, if at all. So you continue swimming without anxiety. You don't necessarily stop trying to improve, but you swim for fun and exercise and relaxation-for however many laps you can. Perfectionists often miss out on fun, relaxation and satisfaction.

4. Set strict time limits on each of your projects. When the time is up, move on: attend to another activity.

This technique reduces the procrastination that typically results from perfectionism. Suppose you must find references for a term paper and also study for an exam. Set time limits. For example: Decide that you will spend only 3 hours looking up references, then only 3 more hours studying for the test. If you stick to your time limits, you won't spend the entire day searching for elusive references, nor try to study late at night when you are too tired to be effective.

5. Learn how to deal with criticism.

Perfectionists often view criticism as a personal attack, responding to it defensively. Concentrate on being more objective about the criticism, and about yourself. If someone criticizes you for making a mistake, acknowledge the mistake and assert your right to make mistakes.

Remind that person and yourself that if you stop making mistakes, you also stop learning and growing. Once you no longer buy into the fallacy that humans must be perfect to be worthwhile, you won't feel so angry or defensive when you make a mistake. Criticism will then seem like a natural thing from which to learn, rather than something to be avoided at all costs.

Brokeness to Effortless

2006-09-15T12:32:00.000-05:00

From RockWater to Renown... I'm continually learning that God's ways are effortless.

It's a simple thing to go get car insurance and break into conversation. As a result of a little talk, my agent's secretary gave my name to a guy named, Bruce Martin. Bruce heads up an organization called Renown (http://www.renownhuntsville.com).

Renown is a place for young adults that either don't like church or would never go to church. It's a place of exploration, conversation and relationship... It's the kind of ministry I excel at. Helping people to intellectually connect with their heart and creator.

As a result of that conversation, I got a call from Bruce and he asked me what my story was. When I finished, he said, "what the hell are you doing in Huntsville, AL?" I knew immediately that we were going to get along.

He went on to say that because of my brokeness, God could bring me to the place to restore my dreams without me getting in the way.

In three weeks, I was on the leadership team and on Oct 2nd, I'll be facilitating the conversation - teaching on Monkey Business: Letting Go of that Which Keeps. It's going to be about our psychological schema, emotional wounds and past mistakes.

When I had RockWater, my ego was caught up in so many areas of trying to control, prove and make happen. Now, the opportunities drop into my lap effortlessly. God is bringing about my dreams and desires bigger, better and more than anything I could have accomplished on my own.

It's an amazing transformation.

New profile pic

2006-09-09T14:36:00.000-05:00

I have to post this to use it.

Surprise!!!

2006-09-05T11:02:00.000-05:00

So this past weekend was Samantha's birthday. I preface this story with the fact that this woman is incredibly intelligent and extremely difficult to surprise... so I got the help of her best friend since 6th grade, Alida.

These two girls grew up on the islands of Hawaii together and have been apart of each others' thick and thin. So it was with great hesitance that I included Alida in on this endeavor. She could just as easily sided with Sammy and then the surprise would have been nullified.

Fortunately, however, Alida was up for the challenge.

We started the weekend with Alida flying in on Friday night, I picked her up and we ended up sneaking her up behind Sam at the local grocery. I was hugging Sam and being affectionate when the strangely familiar voice spoke up behind her saying, "why don't you two get a room, that's disgusting!"

Sam turned around to see her best friend and suddenly squealed and became all giddy... SURPRISE!!!
The next day was a day of sunshine, miniature golf and good wine...

But what Sam didn't expect was the surprise birthday. Yet, she had all of the opportunity to suspect with all of the manipulation and creative turns the evening took. We ended up going to a completely different restaurant than where the party was at. We ate dinner, enjoyed some music and the whole time, Alida and I were rushing to get to the party without Sammy picking up on it. So while we were all done eating, Sam was still enjoying the live music and slowly eating her shrimp... So we help her polish them off.

I called the party, headed by my friend Brian and told we were on our way. Then I turned to Sammy and said that Brian and his girlfriend was requesting us to join them for dessert... Oh the webs we weave... Off we went to the other restaurant and SURPRISE!!!

I got her the hoodie she wanted - part of Tito Ortiz's "Team Punishment" working attire in the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship). She's a huge fan and assimilated me as a fan too. With this present she was ecstatic!!! SURPRISE!!!

Joyce Meyer & Hillsong Weekend

2006-08-07T11:14:00.000-05:00

On Friday, I got a call from Samantha. "I'm feeling spontaneous this morning. Let's go to Nashville tonight and see Joyce Meyer and Hillsong. How long will it take for you to get ready?" I finished up some work, packed and hit the road.

Upon arrival, two other women from our church were there saving seats, how cool.

It was such a timely trip. The message was briliant, about selfishness and having grace towards others. But even better was the worship. I could have spent hours basking in that presence.

For me, I walked away with the sense that I must "die to my reputation". My life used to be about approval... my parents, coaches, teachers, etc. After this year, I found new validation within.

Now, however, I've realized that some, whether intended our not, don't celebrate your victories or success. In fact, some people are threatened by it. They say cruel things, gossip lies and ultimately seek your demise... That's just sad.

God is my vindicator. I overcome evil with good.

However, I've realized that my personality must be tempered in specific situations, not stifled, but tempered. Regardless, when I walk into a room, I change the temperature and dynamics.... my gregariousness, joy and people loving ways seem to be contagious to those around. This is an amazing opportunity to influence people with the same quality of love God has placed in me. I can't help it, the stuff just bubbles out.

It's value and love for people that opens doors to their hearts... even those that can do you no favors, can give you no gain or have nothing of interest to offer you.... you simply love them because its what you are, love.

Users and abusers are losers!!! ; )

True freedom is when you no longer have to impress anyone.

I love it.

Bitter Boogers

2006-07-12T11:57:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, my Pastor talked about bitterness. That's a pretty sketchy topic for many people, including myself.

In the past few years, I'm guilty of being bitter at people, situations and circumstances. However, since I've been here in Alabama, I've had to tackle those issues to find wholeness. Obviously, it wasn't easy, but here's what I found:

BITTERNESS IS...

CRITICAL - it causes you to treat everyone, with a critical eye, including yourself... You hate them, you hate you.
JUSTIFICATION - if I can blame someone else, I don't have to take responsibility for myself.
ANCHORING - you stay attached to the past, meditating and rehearsing, unable to effectively move forward.
CRIPPLING - relationships are sabotaged as you recreate your pain through and to others.
UNFORGIVING - not just of the offense, but even of self. You can't give what you don't have... forgive self/forgive others.
SELF-EXALTING - a pride that places you on the throne and "them" is inferior.
SELF-CENTERED - everything becomes "about me". Everyone around them has to walk on egg shells.
FEARFUL - who's going to hurt me next?
POISONOUS - bitter people attempt to create more bitter people.
CANCEROUS - it eats away your very life.
LONELY - no one cares for your company any longer.

The actual meaning of "forgiveness" is "to let go".
Do you have anything to "let go" of???

4th of July Weekend on the Wild Island

2006-07-05T16:39:00.000-05:00

So, how about spending 4 days on an island, 14 miles off the mainland, south of Biloxi? No running water, no electricity and certainly, no air conditioning - it's hovering around 100 degrees with humidity. This was my weekend... and I loved it!!!

Six of us enjoyed camping, fishing, hiking and most of all, playing. The first day, we got out there and set up our camp site. As soon as we arrived, two dolphins swam around our bay. They were obviously fishing, for when they got within several feet of shore, hundreds of fish would break the surface of the water clamoring over oneanother to escape the dolphin's grasp. We ended up seeing these dolphins every morning and every afternoon. How cool.

My friend Sam Sims and I did some fishing of our own. We caught some ocean catfish, flounder, stingrays and Samatha caught a Spanish Mackrel. With my larger rod, I experienced the "big one that got away". It was propped up in some driftwood when the rod nearly bent in half until the line snapped... the line got wrapped around the end of the rod and prevented the drag from kicking in. That fish would have been HUGE!

On the second day, we had a squall storm roll in and pound us with rain and wind up to 40 miles an hour. It blew over two of our tents. Yet, we made fun of the entire situation. Sam and I pinned the tents down with water bottles and went for a swim in the ocean while the rain and wind howled... the ocean was much warmer than the rain anyway.

This island, Horn Island, is 14 miles long and 1.5 miles wide. It was more than devastated by Hurricane Katrina. Sand choked off most trees as there were drifts of 4 to 10 feet deep. The swamp lands that make up the central part of the island were exposed and quiet. Yet, life is returning despite. We saw loads of sea life including stingrays, crabs, fish and flying pests - mosquitoes, flies and gnats... they bit us up quite ferociously the last night as we ran out of bug spray.

Note to self: It's better to run out of water on a deserted island than bugspray.

Overall, it was a sensational trip. An experience that is once in a lifetime, supplying thoughts and memories of all kinds of adventures.

Happy Father's Day!

2006-06-18T16:12:00.000-05:00

Today I give props to my dad. "I wish I had a dad like yours", "he's so funny", "he's so cool"... These are the rants of my childhood friends. I didn't really know how incredible he really was until years later.

We knocked heads for a while simply out of my immaturity selfishness and desire for independence. Yet, even though he wanted to ring my neck, He was a man I admired and respected... Even if I didn't know how to show it. I love this man.

For my dad:

No, he's not perfect, yet he raised us the best he could.
It was his hope for us to enjoy all that we should.

Be it hockey or soccer, he went to most practices and games.
Faithfully involved, a leader and servant he aimed.

He taught me more through what he did than what he said.
Not too emotional or conversational, he only did what he did.

His example taught me perseverance, tenacity and faithfulness.
and I affectionately gleaned of his generosity, laughter and love.

My dad is true to his word, good to his family and loving to his wife.
Hardworking and fervrent, he's passionate about this life.

I'm proud of this man, proud of my dad.
He's the best dad I've ever known.
The best dad I've ever had.

Ted Nelson, my dad, has shown me more about the love of our Heavenly Father than any preacher or teacher. His example is a legacy more valuable than anything... but, I'll still take the cash. ; )

Happy Graduation Angus!!!

2006-06-07T12:55:00.000-05:00

Minister of Theology Degree is now mine. It's been worth every stress and sacrifice!!!

Quick Trip to Wisconsin

2006-06-05T10:20:00.000-05:00

With my house finally getting sold, I'm moving into the new apartment. So I got to zip up to Wisconsin and load up a U-haul full of stuff. I picked up my bed, couch and kitchen in addition to tons of odds and ends.

While home for the three days, I got to spend time with the Nelson clan. This is the first time in many years that all of the Nelson's were together in Wausau. What was even more special were the kids. Olivia, Daniel, Stewart and Carissa all playing about made my heart extremely happy.

Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed time with my family.

Reflections on the Mexican Adventure

2006-05-26T07:59:00.000-05:00

I think what strikes me the most is the hospitality of the remote villages. Of course, we were the special gringos from "estado unidos" and that was flattering for them. In addition, our white skin and tall stature was somewhat of a status symbol, children stared at us all the time and giggled.

This hospitality welcomed not only us into their lives, but theirs into ours. Everytime I shared, I was moved to tears. This people group is mostly ignored by common culture. The farmers are subsidized by the government due to terrible growing conditions. So while they struggle with production, they also struggle with self-worth. Their children get glimpses of the "city" life at their small school from the educational sources the teachers use. This is breaking down the families as very few children seek to stay in the mountains after school... similar to the american farmer, I suppose.

What's worse is that those who know anything about God know only legalism, control and religion. They've heard very little about unconditional love, the power of God's goodness or that their performance does not dictate God's love... One man had been told in his church that his daughter got sick because of him not going to church. This was so sad. Sam got the share with him about the reality of the Gospel of Peace and even gave him a book about the real "good news". The man was so very grateful.

This is the man who was told that his daughter got sick due to not going to church.

As we spoke, we got to connect with these incredible people. They've led a very difficult life. The sun baked skin, hallowed eyes and small homed existence reflects the struggles they endure. Yet, somehow in this simplicity, there's a beauty. Not much for selfish gain, materialism or mortgage payments. Just family, staying warm and possibly a burro to mind to.

During our service to these people, we witnessed miracles. Emotionally, there were some who struggled with the passing of loved ones that held them back; Spiritually, there were salvations connections with the greatests of all love; and physically, people were healed of ailments and maladies right before our eyes.

In one village, a very shy and reclusive young man got healed of chronic back pain. We had to go to his small home, duck under the ceiling and pray for him there. He got up with a look of awe as he paced back and forth, bending over and over again saying, "my back is better". He didn't say anything else... he was too shy.

One of the children had an incredibly high fever. I put my hand upon his forehead and it was literally HOT. We all prayed for him and then went to eat breakfast. The boy sat down beside us and the fever was totally gone. In less than 5 minutes.

Another lady had very poor vision and stomach problems. I was teaching on God's goodness and love while Sam interpretted. In the middle of the service, this woman's eyes opened up and the stomach problems disappeared. We didn't even pray for her. Simply, the revelation of a good God allowed her to receive.

What's even more amazing is that the leadership of the ministry we worked with was enamored with this message. We taught them so they could carry the message to their people. As we learned in school, when you influence the leadership, you influence all of the people they represent... Some of the Pastor's even talked to us about coming down to do a leadership conference... Not such a bad idea.

Back to Civilization in Mexico

2006-05-25T16:33:00.000-05:00

CLICK ON THESE PICTURES TO SEE THEM ENLARGED!!!

We just came down from the mountains and wanted to post a little news. We saw a lot of people get touched through the message of God's love. It wasn't some fancy teaching. It was the simple message the no matter what, God is completely and overwhelmingly in love with us. It's not about legalism or rules... Simply an unconditional loving relationship with the one that knows you most.

The mountain villages were like a step back in time. Very little running water, most had none, depending on the village. No garbage pick up. No street lights. No telephones. No mailman.

~to my friend Will, we didn't need the hiking advice. The mountains have seen very little rain. It's mostly a desert landscape and the roads have no pavement whatsoever, not even gravel. In fact, we happened to blowout two tires at the same time on those nasty roads. They're very, very bumpy. Nothing like an hour and half ride with your fillings bouncing out of your mouth.

I'll post more later.

Mexico Missions in T-minus 8 Hours

2006-05-20T01:51:00.000-05:00

It's late, I have to go to bed. But tomorrow, it's off to serve the people of Santillo, Mexico. I'll have much to share, I'm sure. If I can find the internet, I'll post along the way. Good night.

Seven Things I Offer to a Relationship

2006-05-17T20:27:00.000-05:00

Taking this class, Family Relations. What an incredible class on relationships.
Stop seeking and start attracting by being the person you wish to find... pretty deep.

1. LOVE - Expressed, communicated and unconditional.
2. PASSION - Chemistry and connection.
3. ROMANCE - A sense of value, worth and being present
4. PLAYMATE - Togetherness, fascination and intrigue.
5. FRIENDSHIP - Honesty, trust and a listening ear.
6. PARTNERSHIP - Comrades with the same mission, values and battles.
7. COUNTERPART - An equal amount of effort and commitment to the relationship.

Amazing Day!!!

2006-05-13T12:59:00.000-05:00

What an awesome day!!! I'm down looking at a new apartment complex to move into and the phone rings. It's my realtor announcing I have an accepted offer on my house. FINALLY!!! AND, I'm getting the best price we negotiated on. This is such an incredible relief. The best part... we close in a WEEK!!! No more mortgage, no more utilities, no more insurance!!!

I get this call WHILE I'm reviewing the paperwork on an incredible apartment. However, the only apartment we want (3 bedroom) is not available until June 21st... BUT WAIT, someone JUST cancelled and the very apartment we walk through is available next week!

I'm ecstatic!!!

Click on the PIC for a link to the complex. I recommend taking the 360degree tour of the lake. We can take long walks, fish, play tennis and enjoy the outdoors. The place is away from everything and is still only 12 minutes away from campus. But yet, only 2 minutes from shopping. It's very decadent.

Rather Be Right or Have Peace?

2006-05-11T13:03:00.000-05:00

How many arguments would be avoided if I sought peace rather than my own "rightness"?

I think a lot of us could ask that question. It happens the moment we get into conversation crossing the line of communication and instead becoming forceful, accusational and defensive. Whether out of insecurity, defiance, conquest... What is it that causes a person to completely forget the quality of the relationship and suddenly seek blood?

Feelings get hurt. The arena of safety is thrown out the window. All we're left with is chaos.

I've determined to be more of an observer in my own journey. It's causing me to question motives, influence and whose best interest is my focus. On a very deep level, it's a constant challenge. We can be so fickle and most times, we don't even realize why.

- Now loosing the preoccupation of self. Wanna join?

Love this kid... my nephew, Stewie.

Unfortunately, This Wasn't Cheesy

2006-05-09T21:13:00.000-05:00

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Turning 35

2006-05-08T14:22:00.000-05:00

An eventful day of hanging with my friends. After church, we went out for lunch, watched one of my favorite movies ("Say Anything"), and watched some Ultimate Fighting re-runs. It's so important to realize who your friends are, to appreciate them and spend time together. Thank God for friends.

Hide No More

2006-05-05T17:39:00.000-05:00

So I'm in class learning about Support Groups. You know, like the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I would have never guessed that this class would become one of the greatest classes of my life.

A sudden revelation comes to me about "motive"... why I do what I do.

From videos, I'm watching all of these people share their life's experiences and torments. All from different pasts, perspectives and yet, ironically the same. Transcending social strata, economic status and race.

Every person with every habit all wanting the same things: Unconditional love, value and not to be alone.

No matter what the story. Someone was seeking these elements.

Unfortunately, every person masked their pain, past and fears with denial, deceipt and distraction. What brought them together was brutal, fearless honesty with self.

They tore down the facades and revealed the truths they so desperately tried to hide. In so doing, they found life.

Another plateau has been achieved... brutal, fearless honesty with self.

Difficult, but amazing.

Happy Birthday Olivia

2006-05-04T16:43:00.001-05:00

It's my niece's birthday!!! She's six year's old today and I miss her heaps.

LOVE YOU OLIVIA!!!

HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON!!!

My Name is Pride

2006-05-03T12:26:00.000-05:00

My name is Pride. I am a cheater.
I cheat you of your God-given destiny . . . because you demand your own way.
I cheat you of contentment . . . because you “deserve better than this.”
I cheat you of knowledge . . . because you already know it all.
I cheat you of healing . . . because you’re too full of me to forgive.
I cheat you of holiness . . . because you refuse to admit when you’re wrong.
I cheat you of vision . . . because you’d rather look in the mirror than out a window.
I cheat you of genuine friendship . . . because nobody’s going to know the real you.
I cheat you of love . . . because real romance demands a sacrifice.
I cheat you of greatness in heaven . . . because you refuse to wash another’s feet on earth.
I cheat you of God’s glory . . . because I convince you to seek your own.

My name is Pride. I am a cheater.

You like me because you think I’m always looking out for you.
Untrue.... I’m looking to make a fool of you.

God has so much for you, I admit, but don’t worry . . .
If you stick with me.....You’ll never know

No more Drama, No more Drama

2006-05-03T07:22:00.001-05:00

My how the world is such a lover of the exploited few. If there is anything I can't stand, it's drama.

Whether personal or otherwise, drama is such a huge waste of time, emotion and brain space. Really, do we really need 42 sources of the condition of Nick & Jessica, Brad & Jen - Angelina, adoptees etc... It's truly exhausting!!!

Is it that people lack a sense of purpose? Do they lack passion in their own lives and dreams and therefore vicariously fantasize the life of another??? WHO WANTS THESE DRAMA FILLED LIVES!!!

Crap I tell you. Simply crap.

Then there's personal lives. Most of our own drama is completely self induced. No doubt about it. In 99.9% of every case, the drama we experience could have been prevented.

I'm convinced that it's the quality of our hearts that create our own realities. Out of our heart flows everything about us. So it stands to reason that a hurting heart produces more hurt, more pain and more drama. No more drama.

So the contrary is a heart of love, peace and generousity. A heart of this persuasion creates a reality FAR MORE inviting. Ahh, this is the life. A life to share, embrace and live.

Drama lovers... get a life.

My Friends

2006-05-02T21:28:00.000-05:00

They're a motley bunch, but I call them friends.

10 Steps to Knowing A Person You Date

2006-05-01T19:06:00.000-05:00

10. How do they spend their time?
9. What are their friends like? (you imitate whom you associate)
8. How do they spend their money? (for where your treasure is, there is your heart also)
7. How do they resolve conflict? (vengeance served cold is to be avoided)
6. How do they handle offense?
5. What do they do when embarrassed?
4. How do they treat other people? (especially family)
3. What part does the Bible play in their decision making?
2. How do they handle being wrong?
1. Are they forgiving? (no score keepers)

Ok, seriously, where was this list for me like five years ago? Provided I had ears to hear, this would have saved me a ton of emotional anguish... Better believe I've tattooed this into my brain!!! ; )

Improving Communication

2006-04-18T18:55:00.000-05:00

I've been reading an incredible book - squeezed in and amongst my school responsibilities. It's called "Crucial Conversations - tools for talking when stakes are high".

For me, personally, I've been challenging myself to change how I communicate. Sometimes, I'm a pretty gruff and short with people when I get "excitable". I can own that, so I'm endeavoring to soften the edges a bit... This book is helping to give me tools to use. It's another amazing, timely day to change.

Here's an excerpt:

"We're designed wrong. When conversations turn from routine to crucial, we're often in trouble. That's because emotions don't exactly prepare us to converse effectively. Countless generations of genetic shaping drive humans to handle crucial conversations with flying fists and fleet feet, not intelligent persuasion and gentle attentiveness.

For instance, consider a typical crucial conversation. Someone says something you disagree with about a topic that matters a great deal to you and the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. The hairs you can handle. Unfortunately, your body does more. Two tiny organs seated neatly atop your kidneys pump adrenaline into your bloodstream. You don't CHOOSE to do this. Your adrenaline glands do it, and then you have to live with it.

And that's not all. Your brain then diverts blood from activities it deems nonessential to high-priority tasks such as hitting and running. Unfortunately, as the large muscles on the arms and legs get MORE blood, the higher-level reasoning sections of your brain get less. As a result, you end up facing challenging conversations with the same equipment available to a rhesus monkey."

Back to Blogging

2006-04-16T23:39:00.000-05:00

Alright, it's been too long since I've entered anything in here... But thanks to some encouragement/guilt trips, I'm back in the saddle. For those of you that have filed official complaint, your cries have been heard.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!

Sam sent me this quote:
"influencing others is a matter of disposition, not position."

DISPOSITION:
2 a : prevailing tendency, mood, or inclination b : temperamental makeup c : the tendency of something to act in a certain manner under given circumstances

The Pain of Selfishness

2006-01-25T21:16:00.000-06:00

I'm learning all the more that when we pursue our own selfish desires, we never end up with what we truly want.

My current role at Impact is as a counselor on the phones in the Partner Relations department. Everyday, I hear tragic stories where people sacrifice their entire lives for the quick fix of a high. Be it drugs, sex or bad relationships, people trap themselves from living what Jesus promised as "life more than abundant".

Throughout the writings of Christ we discover a multitude of paradoxes. "to find life, lay your life down"... "you must give to gain"... "I must decrease that He may increase"... "to be great is to be least"... "the first shall be last, the last shall be first".

In context of human psychology, the three greatest needs of man are:
1. Unconditional love
2. Knowing I'm not alone
3. A Sense of Value and Worth

Anything we do outside of God to meet these needs is a form of codependancy. Yet, our society, at large, is totally geared towards this kind of behavior... all advertisement exposes our "lack"... politicians spout of our need to have them take care of us... media compares the beautiful over the regular... etc, etc.

We live in a very "emotionally needy" society. So many people looking to take, few actually sacrificing to give.

The obviously "dirty" codependancies are drugs, alcohol, pornography and sex. But then there's the "clean" codependancies: Relationships, jobs, money, status, titles, education, spouses, afluence, clothing and social strata.

The irony is, the more I seek to fulfill my need through any of these codependancies, the more I find myself empty of this need. So, out of my pain, I follow a cycle of pain like a hamster on a wheel chasing for the ever elusive... all the while, my heart gets harder and harder. Calloused by my denial, perpetual persuits and guilt of failure.

I made a choice, two years ago, to face my "stuff". It hasn't been until now that I can actually understand what it was that I was doing... It's hard to see through chaos - blaming, shaming and gaming just to "protect" what I thought was important, my sense of being right, my ego or my pride. But now, I've found an incredible sense of clarity, wholeness.

It's peaceful, confident and alive. I kind like that feeling. I really like me I'm turning out to be.

Life Not My Own

2006-01-15T00:30:00.000-06:00

I'm discovering more and more how selfish I've been in the past. Whether towards those close to me or to the check out person at the grocery store. Why is it that we can't see past our navels sometimes.

Today, I talked with a young lady that was in a hurting condition. She went to a party, got drunk, drove home and smashed her car. She's embarassed, shamed and worse, feeling trapped. As we talked, she revealed that now, without a car, having to go to court and only making $6.50 an hour, she's stuck in this life's circumstance. She wants to pursue God, but can't see how, why or when things will ever change. I told her to make a choice to change and be patient through the process.

That could sound really cliche'. Yet, I have experienced that feeling of "trapped".

When we find ourselves in postions without options, we eliminate the potential for divine intravention. God sees multiple options, endless outcomes and limitless possibilities. Why is it that we refuse to see them?

This conversation I had with this girl was definately not a short one. Nor, I presume, the last. Yet, the timing of it could have given me the opportunity to return to the selfish ways of my past.

Dealing with people can be messy, inconvenient and time consuming. This is something that hasn't changed since the garden. People are finicky, fussy and flawed. Yet, we all need a lttle help sometime.

There was a time that I felt at the end of my rope. It lasted for months. I couldn't see past my current scenario. Every option seemed to be beyond my reach. I was trapped by a past, confined to my definition of reality.

It was during that time that I found people who listened to me repeat the same conversations, trying to process my experience and find a light at the end of the tunnel. Those people I shared with showed my great mercy, patience and encouragement until I finally realized my answers. Ironically, I already knew the answers, but was too cowardly to deal with them. That all changed.

Now, out of a seed that these kind folks planted in me, I'm able to reach out to others... For that, I'm eternally grateful. This life is not my own.

Codependant Anonymous

2006-01-07T22:08:00.000-06:00

During times when I felt so empty, I craved intimacy and love. Yet, I could not find it. Even when I was married or dating, there were so many times that I had this internal desire for something I wasn't experiencing.

But how could this be? I had "someone". I had a mate or a girlfriend. What more did I need???

I needed something no other person could give me.

Deep with in, I yearned for the experience of unconditional love, knowing I wasn't alone and knowing I had value. I've come to learn that these emotions are God given, even inspired. Yet, I so many times, sought the fulfilment of these deep seated emotions on an external level.

It's bizarre how a person can love another so very much one day and then completely detest them another. Yet, that's what happens when we seek a "person" as our fulfillment and not God. It's as if we try and draw close to this individual... closer and closer, only to find ourselves wanting, unfulfilled, disappointed, frustrated and burned out.

That's the essence of CODEPENDANCY... the story of my marriage. Two codependants tearing eachother to shreds even when they cared about eachother deeply. How retarded is that?

Once you can't get what you were trying to get, you try HARDER, start to manipulate and guilt the other into becoming someone you think will make you happy. When that doesn't work, you start looking elsewhere for the "fix".

Everytime you feel empty, you try for another fix... just like a druggie, an alcoholic or a sex addict. All of it is rooted in codependancy.

I have finally found fulfillment in someone I should have found a long time ago. His name is God. Only he builds self-worth, value and love. He is the root solution to all external problems. Until a person recognizes his/her love and value in God can they truly find wholeness. Only two whole people can make a healthy, happy relationship.

BTW, this is not "religion". That will turn into just as much of a codependant fix as anything.

Get to know the Creator. The one who formed you in your mother's womb and loves you just as you are.

Sacrificial Love

2006-01-03T21:40:00.002-06:00

Coming back to Huntsville and school has been an interesting experience. While home, I was confronted with much of the emotional ties to the past. Amazing how those things can create such a strong and compeling story line within. It's as if a script of definition is laid out before you and it's your choice as to whether or not you will allow the past to define you.

There's a scripture in the Bible that states "old things have been past away, all things have become new". I'm coming to the conclusion that this statement is a daily choice to walk in light of today's realities or yesterday's.

All of us have "stuff" from our past that we're not proud of. Whether it's a mistake, a failure or regret, it's not who we really are. Sometimes we forget that this life is a journey. And we have the power to decide whether we let that journey take us forward or backward.

While home, I had a person from my past email me during a time that was incredibly painful. In fact, I thought it could have been deemed a sadistic attempt to punish me and make me suffer. Yet, I chose to give this person the benefit of the doubt and treat them with as much maturity, respect and honor I could muster. I'm learning that it's not my place to judge another's motives, but rather to administer grace and love instead. The example Jesus taught was to even love those that seek you harm.

I still don't know what this individual's motives were, but I chose sacrificial love over anything other emotion or act.

It's situations like this that prove to my heart, once again, how far I've come and grown. In fact, the person I am today is nowhere close to the person I was even four months ago, let alone a year or three years ago.

But whether others want to treat us as the person we are today or the person they once knew, it's not our job to prove to them one way or another. All we can do is practice consitency along the journey towards the person we are.

1 Corinthians 13:4-11 (The Message)

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. Love never dies.

Christmas Eve Day

2005-12-24T12:07:00.000-06:00

Back in Wisconsin to reconnect with family and friends. I'm ecstatic to be back here for a visit to love on folks. People are such an incredible commodity. It's all about relationship, relationship, relationship!!! Serve others with your life.

A Thankful Heart

2005-12-17T18:15:00.000-06:00

I'm headed home for the holidays in less than a week. It's been an amazing time here and I have started to think how incredibly grateful I am to be here. This school has changed my life.

Impact is committed to the development of ministers on a heart level. It’s intent is not necessarily for full-time preachers, though that’s a focus, but the equipping of people to minister in any area they decide to pursue after school. We learn business skills, team building, personal development and people-valued counseling. It’s remarkable how God has prepared me for just this kind of education.

The first three weeks I was here I cried nearly every night in my dorm. Not out of sadness, but out of a thankful heart, a personal discovery and the facing of personal responsibility. You see, every circumstance is a result of choice. We can either let our life be dictated by default or take responsibility for our growth, actions and development. I thank God for the choice to change.

Creating healthy disciples is what this school endeavors… spiritually, physically and emotionally. That last part is what has really struck significance in me.

For so long, I allowed others to dictate my emotions, self-worth and value. That’s simply a co-dependant, pathetic existence. ALL of my pain was self-inflicted. No matter how people treat me, I’m learning to be consistent, stable and healthy. Others can create chaos around me, but I have the power to choose what significance I give to it. How incredibly simple, yet profound.

Every relationship is affected by these thought processes. Whether it’s business, church, or romance, people are completely annihilated by casting blame, claiming the “victim” mentality or not forgiving other’s dysfunction. It’s like having a bird poop on my head and waiting for the bird to return to clean up the mess. I can do something about what how I feel about it and what I do about it. The bird is responsible for his own actions. It's foolish to still blame the bird. The bird did what the bird does, whether or not I was there. People who are hurting, hurt others. It's nothing personal, that's just what they do wrestling through their own "stuff".

The other incredible thing I’ve learned is in the area of communication. The whole key to communication is to share your thoughts in a manner that can be heard by the hearer. For all of my life, I thought I could just say what I wanted. It’s very natural to me. I like things direct and to the point. This is also how I liked confrontation… doesn’t make for a good counselor nor a good spouse.

When we humble ourselves to understand others and speak to their needs instead of our own we open a floodgate of openness, safety and connection. Becoming more sensitive, patient and seeking to understand is way more powerful than seeking to be understood. It takes humility. What an incredible gift to offer those you love.

Unforced Rhythms of Grace

2005-12-12T20:30:00.000-06:00

Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Do I Deserve This?

2005-12-10T20:08:00.000-06:00

I've recently had an experience I can't truly put into words. Have you ever had something go off inside of you, an explosion of emotion and release?

Two weeks ago, there was been a transformation in how I see myself and others. For so long, I've wrestled with issues in my life between me a God; Issues related to some of the promises His Word so blatantly encourages... prosperity, blessings, favor. It's like I go only so far with good things, then WHAM!!! Things hit the crapper.

I realized the problem was me. My thinking. My perception of the man God made me to be.

Because of poor choices, actions and experiences, I had difficulty seeing myself of deserving anything of substantial value. A healthy relationship, good job, money in the bank or abiding peace seemed to elude me. It hasn't been until now that I've discovered why.

In all reality, it's simple. God loves me, no matter what.

Problem was, I wasn't all that thrilled with me.

We were in prayer the other day and one of the ladies I work with stopped and looked at me. She said "Angus, why don't you feel like you deserve the best that God has to offer?" Now this woman is a beautifully spirited woman I love and admire. She's been around the ministry for probably more years than I am old. I got defensive. "What do you mean? I think God wants to give me His best!"

She responded, "No, of course God WANTS to give you His best. Why won't you let Him? Why don't you believe you deserve His best?"

I burst into tears. Snotted and slobered all over myself... she was right.

Deep within my heart, I knew she was right. I was stopping God in my life.

We, as humans, love to suffer. For some reason, we want to be punished for what we've done or not done. Yet, God NEVER sees us that way. Goofy preachers and stinky doctrine lead people to believe that God is angry and commited to our punishment. That's simply junk theology.

Think about it... If a parent is always wrathful to a child, does that child ever seek a healthy desire to do or be right? Emphatically, NO!!! Only through love can a child find value, dignity and worth to a degree to desire the right quality of life and pursuits.

Here I was, beating myself up - time and time again. That thinking sabotaged so many opportunities and relationships for me. Every time things started going "right", I'd start behaving irrationally or thinking goofy and mess it all up. Simply because my psychology wanted to punish my very own existence.

I am free!!! I have never felt so free!!!

Melt My Kit-Kat

2005-12-04T16:29:00.000-06:00

I was having some discussion the other day about childhood. When I was growing up, I spent most of my summers at the Country Club as a pool rat. All day long, we would grow golden brown, our hair would go bleach blonde and our extremities would prune. Day after day... and we loved it!!!

One my favorite things to do would be to order a Kit-Kat bar from the snack bar for some tummy filling goodies. This Kit-Kat was always chilled, right from the fridge. I didn't care too much for that. It was more fun to unwrap the bar from the packaging and then place the bar in the sun on top of the foil shiny side up. Then it was back to the pool for some "marco-polo" or something silly while the Kit-Kat melted in the sun. When I returned to eat my treat, there was a gooey feast awaiting my chlorine dripping hands.

It was so fun to feel the chocolate oozing down my throat, smeared on my mouth and then to later, suck my pruned fingers clean of the decadent delight. The finally came when I picked up the foil and rake my tongue across the surface to pick up every last drop of chocolatey goodness.

Amazing, french-fries never had this same appeal. I mean, you leave those things out for too long and they'd grow stale and gross. Surely, there is no longevity to the nature of a french fry.

I bring all of this up simply because I noticed there is an interesting correlation with my childhood and the love of God.

Throughout the Old Testament, we see scripture stating that God "hardened" someone's heart. That doesn't sound like free will if God is the one responsible for someone's heart growing hard. So in class, one of our professors stated it like this, "the same sun that softens butter, hardens clay."

The variable in the illustration is not the condition of God, but rather, the condition of the person's heart. People always want someone else to blame because they refuse to accept resposibility for their own circumstance. It started with Adam and it's been that way ever since.

I've had plenty of opportunities where I can admit, I let my heart grow hard. But that all changed. I chose to own my "stuff". Now my heart is softened, pliable and melted into the arms of grace. I'm grateful to love, grateful to live.

Yet, I know others that allow their hearts to become hardened, bitter, angry and unforgiving. God's love never changed. These individuals just refused to allow His love in.

So in comparison to "the same sun that softens butter and hardens clay", I say, "the same sun that softens my Kit-Kat, hardens my french fries."

Disc Golf

2005-11-26T12:18:00.001-06:00

Saturday morning, dressed for cold, looking for a round of 18 holes at the UAH disc golf course. To our surprise, the temperature jumped up to over 60 degrees and sunshine. I was trying to perfect my throw, still have a long ways to go. But the camaraderie and excercise is what I enjoy most. This time, back in Wisconsin, I'd be in full swing of volleyball - tip-top shape. Here at school... not so much. Sitting on my butt either working or studying. Excercise is good.

Afterwards, I headed over to the gas station to fill the tank... $1.95!!! Besides the fact that my truck is getting close to 30 miles per gallon, the limited travel I do keeps me from filling up more than once a month. It's a good day.

Last night, watched the movie "Christmas with the Kranks". It was a good movie to rent. But I found myself with wonderings of home. Everyone back for Thanksgiving, but I'm here. So sorry I missed out on the family Kanasty game!!! But that's alright with me. I know that I'll fill my share of family time in a few weeks and love on the neice and nephew then. I'm just so thankful to be here, no matter what the sacrifiice. Some choices in life make so sense to the brain, but all of the sense to the heart. I'm happy.

Tonight, church with Eastman Curtis... Love that guy!!!

Gooble Gobble Day

2005-11-23T16:17:00.000-06:00

It's Thanksgiving.

I'm here in Huntsville, Alabama (by myself, but not alone) considering all that is to be thankful for. Three months so far and I feel as if its been more than I could have ever hoped or imagined it to be. The number one thing on my list of "Thanks" (besides the obvious of God and all He's done) is the opportunity to reformat my mental hard drive into the identity Christ gave me. That may sound a bit over spiritual, but it's true. I'm thankful for Impact Internationsl School of Ministry.

My heart has been overwhelmed in the journey and discovery process. It's truly amazing how we think we know some things so well only to discover that we're only scraping the surface (I don't need to be right anymore). This school has been a safe and awesome environment to re-establish our foundation in new understandings, new belief systems and more importantly, a new perspective on life. The more we attain heart truths, the more transformation in our own self-worth, behaviors and thoughts have come about... effortlessly.

It's excited, igniting passion and makes you feel alive again. We really are a product of our own heart beliefs, good or bad. The more we develop our hearts, the easier life becomes. Circumstances may incur difficulties, but the consistency of our walk is un-affected. Dr. Richards, Ron, Clint, Christy and the rest... Thank you!!!

I'm thankful for a heart of patience, joy and selflessness. I'm thankful for understanding human behavior. I'm thankful for the opportunity to serve others. I'm thankful for courage and confidence. I'm thankful for the restoration of my heart and life. I'm thankful for Jesus. It's all been worth every sacrifice. An investment with uncomparable returns.

I want to cry just thinking of where I've come from to where I am. I'm so incredibly thankful!!!

Lastly, I'm thankful for ALL of the people in my life, especially those that helped and contributed. My family, my church and friends... those of you that were availabe during the darkest times. God truly turns our mourning into joy. Thank you all so much.

I'm even thankful for those that have treated me poorly... our criticts strengthen resolve and provide opportunity for character, forgiveness and unconditional love.

Most importantly... Dad and Mum, you are loved by an incredibly grateful son. I appreciate your support, blunt honesty and understanding throughout every step of the way. You two have been my best friends, my loyal encouragement and challenge to growth. Thank you for being the incredible examples of Christlikeness, patience and love. Mum, you're the best. Dad, you're my Pastor, partner and inspiration. I love you both so very much.

May all of you have an incredible and thankfilled Thanksgiving!!!

I can't wait to see everyone back in Wausau over Christmas!!!

Ravioli Fiascos

2005-11-21T12:40:00.000-06:00

If you've ever had children, babysat children or lived on a college dorm budget, you've probably experienced this story for yourself.

It seems that there is a strange sadistic relationship between that of ravioli and microwave. Much thought and planning must be strategically rehearsed before the marriage of the two. Reason being that ravioli sauce is prone to splatter when introduced to the waves of radiation induced during the heating process.

If you use a piece of tupperware, the lid and bowl will take on the oils and color of the ravioli sauce. This is, at best, a reason to use disposible tupperware during preparation. At worst, you have orange stained residue permanently scarred into your "re-sealable" container. In addition, should you make the mistake of actually sealing the container, it will, most likely, pop open to offer the splatterings of sauce through out your microwave oven.

Clean up then becomes an entirely laborious effort using grease dissolving cleanser to erradicate the leftover materials. Otherwise, you more or less shmear the grease throughout your oven's interior.

Another tactic might include the covering with a paper towel. This can be altogether madly frustrating should the towelette remove itself during the spinning to the carriage amidst the cooking process.

However, a folding paper napkin can be an alternative. Yet, it to has it's disadvantages. An unfolded napkin corners off four escape routes to the splattering. This is only somewhat effect as it allows slight room for penetration of a foregone, complete seal of quarantine.

It is unclear to me why a delectable and inexpensive treat should become such a complicated process.

There appears to be few conclusive approaches. Perhaps the edication of one lone "corningware" bowl with an orange stained top and pressure release valve. This bowl should be labeled not by letter, but simply by stain.

Otherwise, one should explore the microwavable Mac n' Cheese... not that this product isn't shy of its own share of challenges and limitations.

Forgiveness

2005-11-09T21:33:00.000-06:00

"Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die." - Anne Lamott

Term 3 starting

2005-11-07T07:32:00.000-06:00

Wearing shorts and a t-shirt in November is a mighty night pleasantry. After church today, it was off to the laundrymat for some much needed attention. I read some catch up school reading to end this term most of the day. Then it was off to the phones for work until about 9pm. At that time, I wandered over the road to the UAH campus to meet up with friends at the Big Daddy Weave concert.

Starting today, term 3 - Counseling I, Hebrews, Leviticus and Small Groups Study are the classes. I'm pumped, seeing that Counseling I is one of the classes I've looked forward to most. The professor, Ron Marquardt, is an incredible teacher and counselor. I'll keep you posted.

From dumb to DMB

2005-10-29T20:16:00.000-05:00

I'm in a school right now that has challenged my heart in undescribable ways. I'm alive all over again. Refreshed, enthusiastic and annoyingly spastic nearly all the time. Yet, it was only two years ago that I felt as if I was going to die. After chaos enveloped every facet of my being, I came to the revelation that my problems were all as a result of me.

It takes courage to admit faults to our ourselves - to face our own disapointments, false expectations and failures. The real paradox is that when I admit weakness, I find strength. It's an opportunity to learn, grow and take responsibility.

This revelation came to me in the parking "field" after a Dave Matthews Band (DMB) concert. There was a young man standing before me talking about this book someone had given him called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge. He listened as I recounted my own experience of reading the very same book. I told him that I finally realized how dumb I had been. My life was the sum total of my own selfish exchange and interactions in the world. That book inspired me to face my stuff.

The young man was all teared up because he couldn't bring himself to read it. He would start, get confronted, and cowardly put it down. I challenged him to step up and "be the man"... Here, in a crowded field of people with a total stranger, this kid was hugging and snotting himself all over me. An accepted challenge to be a stronger man.

I remember sitting across the table from someone only days later. I shared this same story about this DMB concert with her. As I retold this account, her eyes filled up with tears. Unfortunately, she couldn't make the conection herself. It's been over two years now and she's still battling the same unforgiveness, bitterness and hatred. The fact is, so many of us could improve our lives so dramatically if we just changed our perspective.

::: ::: ::: ::: ::: Only through transparency can a man really see truth. ::: ::: ::: ::: :::

During my darkest days of being an absolute turd (I'll admit it), I spent alot of time considering myself the "victim". Selfishly projecting a denial to myself, I made excuses for poor choices, behaviors and actions. But when all was washed away, there was me... No one else left to blame. For some, that may be considered "rock bottom", but I prefer to call it "the final revelation before freedom".

When I died to self, I found true life. The death was excrutiatingly painful, sometimes violent. I spent nights pacing the living room floor, tears stained my eggplant sectional couch. Sometimes I screamed. Others times, I sat in darkness, rehearsing what I'd do if I had the chance again. I began to see myself differently. I saw my life as a gift. A gift to give.

I was in love. In love with an incredible creator and in love with this beautiful creation. No more self-hate. No more self-loathing. No more feeling failure.

Did it happen over night? No way. But I learned to be patient with myself in the process. A process that continues til' this day. There are good days, there are bad days. But there's a discovery of a world around me - a world full of people needing what I have to offer. It's about others.

Yet a man die, yet shall he live.

Life breeds life.

Bruised Shins

2005-10-29T13:04:00.000-05:00

Our college and singles group had a Halloween Bonfire last night. We drove out to one of the guy's homes (Christian Carter) and had a huge fire (hot enough to fry your face). All was well until the fireworks came out. Of course, let me preface that this could have easily been some reap/sow-karma thang... It started with firecrackers being dropped behind he and she. Frightfully screaming, these people became amuse to many. Roman candles, bottle rockets and the like progressed into an all out attack.

From the darkness of nightfall, our of the bushes distant, dark.
Peered the intentions of evil, these monters of noise-making Mayhem.

Little buggers caught us unaware as bottle rockets zoomed past heads and hands. The attack was ON!!! From our bonfire lair we launched rocket after rocket, from hand, from plastic, Solo cups and whatever we could find to help us there target find.

CRACK! BANG! BOOM!

Men laughing with glee, girls running a flee.

From behind the Toyota, I fling the firecracker string.
Ladies and gents scurrying about... soon find the culprit - my head is there tout.
A turn to run, not far till I'm flung. A top a wooden chair my body slung.

Crap!!! Not only did I bash my kneee, but I came down on top of the chair and bruise, scraped and goose-egged my shins... but it was sooo worth it!!!

After a while, Brian showed up. He's my neighbor at school and the resident knife-lover, sound-guy, pyromaniac. He came with a box full of goodies. Soon the night sky was filled with light, smoke and noise. Great fun until the neighbors compained.

We then turned out attention to food - Jumbalaya (shrimp and sausage), hotdogs, smores and all sorts of non-healthy treats. Afterwards, we continued to tear up the back deck for more firewood. The night got nippy, so we dissembled Christian's old deck (he's replacing with a new one). Lots of heat, lots of flames and lots of green treated lumber chemicals (not really).

We got out the guitars and concert ensued. James Flynn, myself and new fella, Scott filled the night sky in song and harmonies. It was a brilliant evening.

In the midst of it all, were people... relationships and bonding. This is what life is about. LIfe, Love and Living.

Greatness

2005-10-28T18:56:00.000-05:00

Greatness is never stumbled upon, nor inherited. It is a developed sense of self and an awareness of true identity.

Greatness is only found in those unafraid to succeed... for success demands a commitment to change, growth and development; a commitment to the death of self and mediocrity; a commitment to excellence in who I am and what I offer to others.

Greatness overcomes its own fear... for man's inherent emotion is fear - fear of being who they really are.

Greatness persuades the heart of its own power, potential and purpose.

Greatness takes responsibility, denies excuses and owns its mistakes.

Greatnesss leaps out of self agenda and into the world of others.

Greatness seeks to serve, not to be served.

Greatness is within every man.

Courage is in few.

Be who you really are... Great.

**********************************************************

The cowardliness of the heart has defeated many a man of his manhood.

**********************************************************

Face your fears, find your future.